So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
