he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You ruined the universe
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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