Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
