things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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