I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
