He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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