I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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