watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
