Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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