I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
