am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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