Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
