Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
