i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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