Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Everything about him screamed your future.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
