I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
