I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
