why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
