I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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