i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
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