Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
