I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
