You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You can't just leave with hair like that
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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