K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
