My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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