put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
