There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
