i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
