Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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