i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
