girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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