she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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