I'm drive I can fine osifer
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
