At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
