First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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