goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
