I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
