She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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