i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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