his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
