Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you would pick up someone in the library
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
