we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize