sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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