i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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