I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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