im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
