True but thats because hes a fetus.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
