I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
