he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
