Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
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