I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
