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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize