I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
