but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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