One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Ladies don't puke and tell
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