Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
