Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
