i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
