I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
