i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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