We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
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this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
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Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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