you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
