I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
