I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
