Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
